Published: June 26, 2009 at 4:39 PM

© 2009 United Press International, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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My Brief Life as a Woman

Dana Jennings. (Lonnie Schlein/The New York Times)

As my wife and I sat on the couch one night this past winter, reading and half-watching the inevitable HGTV, I started sweating hard and my face got so fevered and flushed that I felt as if I were peering into an oven.

I turned to Deb and said, “Man, I’m having a wicked hot flash.” And she said, “Me, too.” Then we laughed. You laugh a lot — unless your hormones are making you cry — when you’re having menopause with your wife.

I was in the middle of treatment for an aggressive case of prostate cancer last winter, and it included a six-month course of hormone therapy. My Lupron shots suppressed testosterone, which is the fuel for prostate cancer.

When your testosterone is being throttled, there are bound to be side effects. So, with the help of Lupron, I spent a few months aboard the Good Ship Menopause with all the physical baggage that entails. It’s a trip that most men don’t expect to take.

The side effect that surprised me most were the hot flashes — not that I got them, I was expecting that, but by how intense they were. They often woke me in the middle of the night and made me sweat so much that I drenched the sheets. In midwinter I’d walk our miniature poodle, Bijou, wearing shorts and a T-shirt. I sometimes felt as if Deb could fry eggs on my chest. (It’s also a bit disconcerting when your hot flashes are fiercer than your wife’s.)

When it comes to hot flashes, ladies, I salute you. After my brief dalliance with that hormonal phenomenon, it seems to me it’s an under-reported condition. And it’s certainly under-represented in the arts. Where are the great hot flash novels or movies? How come there’s not a Web site or magazine called “Hot Flash Monthly”?

Hand in hand with the hot flashes came the food cravings. I lusted after Cheetos and Peanut Butter M&M’s, maple-walnut milkshakes, and spaghetti and meatballs buried in a blizzard of Parmesan. Isn’t it funny how cravings very rarely involve tofu, bean curd or omega-3 oils?

Then there was the weight issue. During the six months I was on Lupron I gained about 25 pounds. That was partly a byproduct of the cravings, but it also stemmed from the hormonal changes triggered in my body.

And I hated it, hated it, hated it. I had never had to worry about my weight, and I began to understand why media aimed at women and girls obsess over weight so much. It was strange and unsettling not to be able to tell my body, “No,” when it wanted to wolf down a fistful of Doritos slathered with scallion cream cheese.

When I wasn’t devouring a king-size Italian sub or smoldering from a hot flash, it seemed that I was crying. The tears would usually pour down when I got ambushed by some old tune: “Sweet Baby James” and “Fire and Rain” by James Taylor, “That’s the Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be” by Carly Simon and, yes, “It’s My Party” by Lesley Gore. Not only was I temporarily menopausal, but it appeared that I was also turning into a teenage girl from the early 1970s.

There were other side effects, too, like headaches and fatigue. But when I started drinking Diet Coke for the first time in my life, my son Owen couldn’t take it anymore. He said, “Dad, are you turning into a chick?”

So, what else did I learn during my six months of hormone therapy?

Even though I only got to spend a brief time on the outer precincts of menopause, it did confirm my lifelong sense that the world of women is hormonal and mysterious, and that we men don’t have the semblance of a clue.

And, guys, when your significant female other bursts into tears at the drop of a dinner plate or turns on you like a rabid pit bull — whether she’s pregnant, having her period or in the throes of menopause — believe her when she blames it on the hormones.

One more thing. I don’t really know whether menopause likes company — you’d have to ask my wife that — but I do know that it really, really likes HGTV and Peanut Butter M&M’s.

See discussion on the “Bike Skirt” Blog.

See video here.

1) Surely it’s meant to be satire, but when most people watch this will they realize that?  It’s definitely playing up the stereotype that women become raging hormonal monsters on their period, but it’s also making fun of the drug-media in a Sarah Haskins’ “Target Women” style (see previous post on Sarah).

2) What are your thoughts on “period control”?  I’ve heard that feminists tend to hate on it as “unnatural,” but I’ve heard counter-arguments that modern women have many more periods than back in the days when we were pregnant all the time, so it’s OK to skip a few out of convenience.

Beyond that, the entire ceremony made me feel so grateful for the women being educated at Barnard and made me a little jealous of the community of women at Barnard who are so real about addressing social inequities. It’s so refreshing compared to my music school commencement ceremony at which everyone who was honored or invited to perform at the ceremony was male. This was in a school with majority female students.

Another thing I really enjoyed about this commencement ceremony was how many students spoke, themselves clearly learning how to be powerful leaders of our world. I appreciated how accountable and in touch with the students the regents seemed and how in love with the university president the students seemed. Ah, Barnard. Check it out and let me know what you think!

Confronting sexism in activism and within yourself can be difficult, but it’s worth it!

Helpful hints for men posting comments on a feminist blog.

How men can be better feminists/allies/partners.

Yes, I’m a feminist.  Yes, you can expect some feminist ranting.  No, that’s not an excuse to ignore what we have to say.  Enjoy!

The diva cup craze has been circulating around the feminist and the environmentalist community on MSU for the past year and half, and it’s growing in popularity for a number of very economical, feminist, and environmental reasons. You’re probably wondering what in the world I’m talking about- a diva cup? Yes, the diva cup, otherwise known as the keeper and/or moon cup.
The diva cup is a high-grade silicon menstrual cup worn during the menstrual cycle that collects the product your monthly aunt flow brings. It is a friendly and comfortable alternative to tampons and pads; emptied around every 8-12 hours, it can be worn while sleeping, running, swimming, or hiking, and is ideal for travel. On average women spend $150-$200 a year on pads and tampons. The diva cup costs $30 and the diva cup website recommends that it be replaced every year.
Doing the diva is an extremely easy and cheap way of reducing the impact of your eco-footprint. It seriously reduces the amount of waste that is dumped into landfills. Right now, there are approximately 85 million women of menstruating age in North America. The average woman menstruates for 41 years, from about age 11 to age 52. It is estimated that in one year, the U.S. disposes of 12 billion sanitary pads and 7 billion tampons (National Women’s Health Network) and the average woman throws away 250-300 pounds of tampons, pads, and applicators in her lifetime.
The first question that comes to my mind is, “Where does all of this waste go?” Well, usually it goes straight from our bathroom stalls or trashcans into the dump truck and into the landfills. An interesting fact you may not know about the wad of cotton you insert into your vagina every month is that almost all tampons and pads contain surfactants, adhesives, and additives, including dioxin – a known carcinogen and byproduct of the bleaching process of rayon tampons. All tampons are made from bleached cotton (for that extra-fresh look), rayon, or a combination including cotton and rayon. In landfills, these toxic substances leach into groundwater, streams, and lakes causing tons of pollution and additional health concerns. What about those pearl plastic tampon applicators? Well, it has been estimated that they may take up to several hundred years to biodegrade, and the Center for Marine Conservation reports that over 170,000 tampon applicators were collected along U.S. coastal areas between 1998 and 1999
If you would like to further decrease your eco-footprint and increase the amount of money you save, then the Keeper might be the cup for you. The keeper has been available since 1987, offered in two sizes (A and B), and is FDA approved. Unlike the diva cup, the keeper lasts for up to 10 years. The keeper is created from natural gum rubber (NOTE: if you are allergic to latex, then do not use the keeper). The keeper is manufactured in the United States and comes with a cotton cloth bag for storage (the diva cup does, also) that is made in America by retired seamstresses. In addition, it is committed to packaging this product with the least possible waste. It is packaged in a 100% recycled box with instructions printed on one sheet of recycled paper.
MSU students do the diva—and they love it. I interviewed three women on campus about their experiences.

Interview #1, Marci Baranski, MSU Senior:

Why did you start doing the diva? How did you hear about it?
I heard about the diva through a friend and I was interested in cutting down     plastic and paper waste. It was perfect for me because I’m an environmentally     conscious person.

Where did you purchase your diva and how much did it cost?
I ordered my first diva cup online (www.divacup.com) and I purchased another     from foods for living for about $30 – $35

How long have you been using it?     2 years

How hard was it to use at first?
It took one or two periods to adjust, learning to fold and un-fold, but it turned into a routine, and I cut off the stem to fit my shape.

Would you go back?
No, although this past semester when I was in Bangladesh I left my house (in     Bangladesh) one day without my diva cup and was forced to use the cotton pad     because it was the only thing available. The women and girls in Bangladesh use     cotton pads so that girls can go to school and women can keep working.

Do you clean it very often?
No, because bacteria can’t grow on silicon, but I usually clean it with soap and     water before and after my cycle.

Interview #2: Elizabeth, an MSU senior

Why did you start doing the diva?
I was prompted by conversations at the Women’s Council Red Party and it     appealed because it was seemed really natural.

Where did you buy your diva?
Foods for Living, $29.95

Have you enjoyed using your diva cup?
I’ve had one use since I recently bought it. I thought it was interesting and fun!      When I bought it, my best friend was visiting, so we talked about it together a lot     and she was thinking about getting one, too.

What was the best part about doing the diva?
The best part was seeing how much flow was produced. I was able to see the products of my body’s cycle and the idea of the cup made it seem like it was a very natural process. I was afraid to use it at first, because I usually pass out at the sight of blood, but I didn’t and I surprised at how much blood it collected. It made me think about my body and the ways in which it functions during my cycle. The act of throwing away tampons and pads makes it feel like product of my cycle that is produced is really dirty.

How often did you empty your diva cup?
I left it for about 8-9 hours.

Would you go back?
I’m still getting used to it, but I am glad that I was able to take the time to learn about it. It took time to get used to the way it fit the body. Suggestion: take the time to get to know your body and let your body adjust. It can be a very empowering monthly routine.

Interview # 3: Winnie Perla, MSU Sophomore.

Why did you start doing the diva? How did you hear about it?
I heard about it from Women’s Council last year at the Red Party. I started     because it was so environmentally friendly.

Where did you purchase your diva and how much did it cost?
I got it from Whole Foods for $32.00, but I ordered them for my sisters this year     online for $16.00 (www.organicpharmacy.org)

How long have you been using your diva?
Four months, actually three months. I’ve used it for four cycles.

How hard was it to use at first?
The first time I used it, the first cycle, it was kind of uncomfortable and took     some time getting used to.

What is the best part? How does it compare to tampons/pads?
I’m seriously obsessed with it and I love it because I love that it is so good for the environment. I don’t have to carry around tampons, it never leaks, you can have it in for as long as you want to, for up to 12 hours, and there is no risk of TSS. It teaches you to not be afraid of your body.

How often do you clean it?
Every time I change it, if I’m in a private bathroom, I rinse it out with soap and     water.

* NOTE: This is an article written for MSU Womyn’s Council zine FEM.

Excerpt from interview with Sarah by The Bastion:

“Do you consider yourself a feminist, and if so, what does that mean to you, and what role do you think it plays in your comedy?

Yes, I’m a feminist. It is an extension of my lifelong war against pantyhose.

To me it means that as women we are individuals before we are gendered people and that we’re not defined by our gender except in the ways we chose to appropriate that definition.

We’re in a weird generation, right? Our Moms were forced to grapple with that definition more immediately, and I think it’s changed as we’ve grown up. The core issue “how do I fight bias against me because of my gender” is still there but has gotten more complicated and wrapped into all kinds of identity issues about how you present yourself as a woman and I pretty much think it’s your choice and fuck pantyhose. So, hence my answer above.

I think all comedians bring their experience and perspective to comment on the world and I am a woman, so that gets involved.”